


What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?

by paperdream



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Darcy is the fandom bicycle and I love it, F/M, Gen, Sass, crack ships, darcy is a secret prankster, the Furys make flouting SI's security a date night activity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-02-27 04:20:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 8,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2678915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperdream/pseuds/paperdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Farcy is a thing and everything is different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Iron Man

            “JARVIS?”

            “Welcome home, si-” Tony Stark jumped as the AI’s voice cut off suddenly.

            “Don’t bother calling for anyone, Mr. Stark. Your robo-butler’s going to be down for about a half hour or so,” a flirtatious female voice called from the other end of the room. A short brunette turned so that her back was to the wall of windows and grinned mischievously.

            “Sorry, sweetheart, I’m in a committed relationship. However yougot in, and I would definitely like to know _that_ , I’m not interested.” His attempt at a joke didn’t quite disguise the edge in Tony’s voice.

            “Neither am I.” She held up her left hand and pointed out the wedding band on her finger. “You know, you completely ruined a perfectly good cover story with that stunt of yours. ‘I am Iron Man.’ You wouldn’t believe the fuss, I thought the interns were going to have simultaneous aneurisms. It was hilarious.” She raised an eyebrow.

            “You’re with SHIELD.”

            She laughed, “Honey, I _am_ SHIELD. Or, half of it at any rate. And I’m not here to threaten you. I’m here to make you an offer.”

            “And why should I accept any offer of yours? I don’t even know who you are,” Tony challenged, beginning to feel uneasy.

            The woman bounced over to him and stuck out her hand, “Darcy Maria Lewis Fury, Mrs. Fury to you.”

            Tony shook her hand, wondering if maybe she was here to kill him with some sort of contact-transmitted poison. Oh well, guess he’d find out. “Should I know that name?”

            “You will. Nicky was going to come himself, but I convinced him that that was a horrible idea. I’m much better at convincing people.”

            “Of…?”

            “We’re starting a project. Thought you might be interested.”

            “I thought I told your paper-pusher buddy I wasn’t interested in giving the Men in Black any StarkTech.”

            “Did you think you were the only superhero out there, Mr. Stark? Because you’re not.”

            “Again, I thought I told Agent Coles or whatever his name was that under no circumstances am I going to give you or anyone else access to the Iron Man armor. I believe that concludes your business here?”

            “Nope! I’ll cut to the chase- we’re getting a bunch of you crazies together. Just in case we need you, not on a regular basis or anything, don’t fret. Nicky’s calling it the Avengers Initiative.”

            There was a long silence as Tony processed this information. Before he was completely sure what he’d heard, Mrs. Fury- no, there was no way he was calling her that, there had to be something better, he’d come up with something- cut in.

            “So, care to come play with the other kids?”

            “Maybe. Care if I come investigate first?”

            She grinned, “Mr. Stark, I believe this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”


	2. Lola

            Darcy led Stark out of his own home and up to the convertible waiting by the curb. “Hey Phil!”

            Agent Coulson nodded to her, “Ma’am. Mr. Stark.”

            Darcy opened the rear door of the car and nodded at it, waiting for her companion to step in before shutting it with a twirl. “Mr. Stark is coming with us to see exactly what Nicky has planned before he agrees to join our little endeavor.”

            Agent Coulson nodded again and revved up the engine. As he pressed his foot to the accelerator, the car rose above the ground and zoomed over the top of the building they had just exited.

            “Wait up, is this my _dad’s_ tech?” Stark cried, gripping the edge of the car and leaning out over the edge. “How the heck did you get this?”

            Darcy laughed, “Didn’t you know? Daddy dearest had a lot of fingers in a lot of pies.”

            “Please stop leaning out of the car, Mr. Stark. I just got her cleaned,” Coulson added.

            The ride passed uneventfully other than Coulson repeatedly smacking Darcy’s hands out of the way every time she tried to turn on the radio. By the time they arrived on the helicarrier, Darcy was sure that Stark’s eyes were going to bug out of his head at all the shiny, shiny tech laid out before him.

            “Come on,” she hopped out of the passenger side and opened the door for him. After a moment of thought, she added, “Under no circumstances should you touch _anything_ without me telling you to. And if you do, Phil will end you, am I right, Agent?”

            Coulson smirked, “Indeed I will.”

            Darcy pulled Stark down the halls of the ‘carrier, trying to get him through without letting him mess with anything. She only paused for a moment at the receptionist’s desk outside the Director’s office. “Is Nicky in, Jan?”

            The Agent at the desk smiled, “Director Fury is in his office, but he’s meeting with-”

            “Great, thanks!” Darcy interrupted, pushing through the door to find a very nervous looking Maria Hill standing across from Nick’s desk like a kid in the principal’s office.

            “Hey, Maria!” she dropped her handhold on Stark’s handhold to skip over to the Director, and give him a quick kiss. “Hi honey, I’m home!”

            “Hey, Shortstack, you didn’t say your hubby was a pirate!” Stark called from behind them as Hill discreetly made her exit.

            “Stark agree to join?” Nick muttered quietly enough that Stark couldn’t hear.

            “Wanted to feel out the Initiative first, and presumably see how much tech he could get his hands on.” Darcy answered.

            “So, shall we get this party started?” their guest called.


	3. Fury's Big Week, part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Significant time skip before this chapter, bringing us to Iron Man 2/Thor/The Incredible Hulk territory. This is also where things start to diverge pretty significantly from canon. Enjoy!

            Darcy skipped into Pepper Potts’ office. “Miss Potts?”

            Pepper’s head jerked up, “How do you keep getting in?”

            “My husband is an international superspy, Miss Potts. I’ve picked up a few tricks. I’ve brought you a job-warming gift.” The brunette handed redhead a small, flat box wrapped in gold paper shiny enough to reflect its surroundings.

            Looking confused, Pepper took the box and tore off the paper. She opened it to reveal a red and gold knitted hat with a blue circle on the front. “Is this… an Iron Man hat?”

            “Yep!” Darcy chirped, “Incidentally, that’s not the only reason I’m here. I’m sorry to say it, ma’am, but I come bearing bad news.”

            Pepper blinked slowly before waving her hand, “Call me Pepper, please. Out with it. Anything you could have to say, I guarantee Tony’s done worse.”

            “Your boyfriend is dying.”

            “What?”

            Darcy sighed, “So, he didn’t tell you. Thought not. Not to fear, Nicky’s chasing him down with a temporary solution. He’ll be- well, not quite good as new, but he’ll have a little longer to figure things out.”

            “Tony’s _dying_? How do you know? Why didn’t _I_ know?”

            “The palladium in the arc reactor’s been poisoning. And I know because SHIELD requires a DNA sample from anyone entering the more restricted parts of our facilities. We probably knew before he did.” Darcy wavered a bit before giving the other woman an awkward pat on the shoulder. “I know this is a bad time, but I need to know if you know if Tony would have any of his dad’s old files lying around. Howard left some stuff with SHIELD, but it’s not enough.”

            “Enough for what?”

            “Oh, various and sundry. For one, we think Papa Stark may have found something that could solve Tony’s problem.”

            Pepper sighed, “Yeah, we pulled out a bunch of the old stuff while we were planning the Expo. I think I’ll take the rest of the day off, care to join me?”     

            “Love to.”

*

            Bruce Banner swayed unsteadily as he rounded a corner, pulling his baseball cap further down over his face.

            _Keep breathing, keep breathing, don’t forget to breath, don’t get angry, stay calm._

“Hello, Doctor Banner.”

            He jumped about a foot, whirling to see where the voice came from. A curvaceous redhead waved.

            _Don’t panic, stay calm._

“I’m Agent Romanoff, with SHIELD. You can relax, I’m not here to arrest you. I’d like to make you an offer.”

            “I don’t, I’m not safe, you need to-”

            The Agent sighed, “I can handle myself, Doc. We’d like to know if you’d like to work with us.”

            “So it’s an offer for… for the Other Guy.”

            “That is part of it, I’ll admit. But it’s your mind we’re interested in. we’d offer you protection from other interested parties, a place to cool down without hurting anyone, access to experts who might help you regain a little more control. A pretty decent wage. A chance at a normal life. Care to come talk it over?” She held out a hand.

            _Normal life, keep me from hurting anyone, protection from Ross…_

“Promise you won’t try anything?”

            “On my honor.”

            He took the hand.

*

            “I don’t get it, the last seventeen occurrences have been predictable to the minute! I promise my data’s accurate, Erik, it was here!”

            “It’s alright, Jane, I believe you. We may as well wait here for a bit, now that we’ve made it all the way out.” The older scientist looked over to his younger companion fondly.

            “I’ll break out the hot chocolate. You get the blankets.” Jane turned to grab the thermoses, and a light caught her eye. “Do you see that?”

            She whirled back around, swinging the steering wheel around hard enough to send Erik careening sideways. “Jane! Be careful! Put your seat belt on!” the equipment in the back of the van flickered and dinged.

            A bolt of light blasted down in front of the van, and Jane slammed on the brakes. The light cleared to reveal a tall, bellowing blond man.

            “Jane, stop!” Erik gripped the door handle, frantically trying to keep from being thrown around anymore.

            “I’m trying!”

            The SUV barreled into the man.


	4. Fury's Big Week, part 2

            Tony rubbed his neck where Fury had jabbed in the needle. “JARVIS, bring up the helmet.”

            “Yes, sir. There is a SHIELD agent awaiting your arrival in Miss Potts’ office.”

            “Which one? No, don’t tell me that, tell me what he’s doing in Pep’s office. Don’t we have a security force to deal with things like this?” With a kick, his boots lit up and he spiraled into the air.

            “Agent Darcy Fury, sir, is helping Miss Potts sort through the boxes of files that were brought out for the Expo.” Tony started and lost several feet of altitude.

            “She told Pepper?!”

            “That is what the security footage from Miss Potts’ office would imply.”

            Tony cursed colorfully and pushed his suit harder.

*

            Bruce fidgeted nervously. The red-haired agent had led him to a car, driven him to an apparently ordinary office building, and turned a key in the elevator, which proceeded to drop into a subbasement of some kind. He’d then been directed to a room and told to wait.

            He cast a glance at his surroundings before returning to an intense focus on his breathing. He was sitting in apparently ordinary waiting room, the kind you’d find in any doctor’s office. A shadowy government agency sticking people in waiting rooms complete with back issues of _Us Weekly_. The thought made him laugh despite himself.

            A soft tap came at the door, and the agent came back in, “Thought it best to warn you I was coming in. They’ve sent me to come talk to you.”

            “’Course they did,” he grunted, “You’re the one who got me here, aren’t you?”

            “You didn’t come because I betted my eyelashes at you, Doctor Banner. Now come on, I have a sample contract to look over with you.”

*

            “Oh my gosh!”

            “Jane! What did you do?”

            Jane threw the van into reverse and both scientists jumped out. “Get the first aid kit!” Jane called over her shoulder as she knelt next to the man on the ground. Slowly, she reached out her hand to take his pulse. The man’s eyes popped open.

            “Who dares…” he trailed off.

            “Oh! _Oh!_ Are you all right? It was an accident, I swear, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you until it was too late!”

            “Are you the fiend who vanquished me with your foul metal beast?”

            “Am I the- wha? It’s not a beast, it’s a…. Haven’t you ever seen a car before? Who the heck are you?” Jane stuttered. Erik rounded the car with first aid kit in hand.

            The man sat up, a hank of blond hair falling over his eyes, “I am Thor, son of Odin. Who are you? What realm is this?”

            “Doctor Jane Foster, astrophysicist, not crazy.” She spouted automatically before she had even processed what he said. “Wait, realm?”

            “Svartalfheim, Vanaheim, Alfheim? Where?”

            Erik stepped haltingly closer, “I think you’ve had a few too many tonight, buddy, let’s just get you home….”

            “Erik, he was inside of the event! We need to know-”

            “Jane, he’s crazy! You can’t be serious!”

            “ _ENOUGH!_ ”

            Both scientists jumped at the bellow, staring at the third party in stunned silence.

            “I have lost my power. It was… stripped from me in punishment.”

            “You can’t be serious. Jane, he’s crazy!” Erik protested.

            “A lot of people think we’re crazy, Erik! Hear him out!” Jane covered the other scientists mouth with her own hand.

            Talking over them, Thor continued, “Help me to regain my power, and I will tell you of the other worlds which you seek!”

            “Deal!” Jane stuck her hand out to shake.

            “Jane!”

            Jane rolled her eyes, “Fine, if you turn out to be crazy the deal’s off.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purposes of this fic, I assume that due to the general out-there-ness of Jane's research and the lack of snarky interns to defend said research, she's developed a habit of clarifying her mental state when she meets new people, even pre-Thor.


	5. Fury's Big Week, part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Bruce in this chapter, as the timeline doesn't allow for anything interesting. Also, I really like the idea of Selvig acting like he's Jane's dad, so there's a bit of that.

            “Hey Pep! Anne Bonny.” Tony stepped nervously into the office, still encased in the armor.

            Pepper darted to her feet and marched over to her boyfriend in scarily high heels, “Anthony _Edward_ Stark, when, exactly, were you planning on telling me that you were _dying_?”

            “I was going to tell you, I was going to make you an omelet, and-”

            “An _omelet_? You think that makes up for, for, the secrets and the lies? _This_ is why you made me CEO, isn’t it! And the parties, and-”

            “Pepper, I’m sorry, let me talk, please! I thought it would be worse for you if I told you, okay?”

            Pepper stopped talking for a moment and took a deep breath, “Well, it was a stupid thought. Now let’s look through these files and see if we can’t keep you from dying in the first place, shall we?”

            Tony nodded and knelt down on the floor next to one of the boxes of files and started digging through. Pepper did the same.

            “The stuff your dad left with SHIELD said he found something, a new element, during his work with an object in our possession. The Tesseract. We think there might be more clues in the files here,” Darcy tossed Tony a file, “ _That_ says he left something for you. Right before he died, your dad’s research just… stops. Everything in the last six months of his life is missing.”

            “Wait really?” Tony stared at her, “Dad never would’ve done that, I _know_ he was doing something, and taking notes was like his second religion.”

            “ _Tony._ ” Pepper thwacked her boyfriend on the shoulder with a file, “That’s a mystery for another day. _Focus_.”

            “Right, right,” Tony muttered. “Anything in the stuff we already took out for the Expo?”

            “Haven’t checked anything that’s not in these boxes. Go check it out,” Pepper waved her hand in a random direction, knowing that Tony would wander off eventually.

            “On it!”

*

            Erik pushed Jane away as she headed for the van, their new ally in her wake, “I’m driving this time. The last thing we need is you running down another pedestrian.”

            “Fine, fine,” she mumbled, jumping into the backseat, “Don’t sit on any of my equipment, it’s delicate.”

            “We need to head east,” Thor said authoritatively, gesturing out the car window.

            Erik looked at him suspiciously, “Two minutes ago you didn’t know where you were. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll get my directions elsewhere.”

            A two minute staring contest ensued, ending with Erik turning back around and exerting his power as driver. “We’ll go back to town, find your new friend some real clothes, and grab some more hot chocolate, _then_ we’ll figure out how to help lightning-head ‘regain his power’.”

            “Great. I need to see what the stuff back home picked up.” Jane bounced in her seat, staring out the window as if hoping to see another man fall from the sky. Actually, Erik noticed, she seemed pretty determined to look at anything and anyone other than their passenger. Was she blushing? He bit his lip. Hopefully, that wouldn’t become a problem. Scratch that, hopefully that wouldn’t become… _anything._


	6. Fury's Big Week, part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not entirely happy with all the dialogue here, but this behemoth needed to be posted. Less regular updates now school's back on, probably 3-4 a week.

                        “Hey!” Tony jumped to his feet, “Are the reels my dad left behind still around? Pep?”     

            “Wouldn’t those be at the Expo?” Darcy asked, “Didn’t you use them in your little opening bit?”

            “We converted the bits we wanted to digital,” Pepper explained, “I think they’re in that box, with the duct tape. You think they could have something?”

            Tony nodded, bouncing over to the indicated box, “It can’t hurt to look. Go grab the projector stuff, I think it got stuffed in one of the closets down the hall.”

            “ _Please.”_ Pepper muttered, bounding off anyway.

            Within a few minutes, the projector was set up and a reel slotted in. “Just aim it at the wall, it’s white.” Tony flapped his hands and spun the projector accordingly.

            Light flickered on the wall, and an image of an elderly Howard Stark appeared as the three returned to the boxes scattered across the floor. A young Tony came in and was quickly dismissed.

            “Tony.” The man in question jumped and looked at the flickering image.

            Darcy squinted at him, “You all right?”

            “Fi…”

            “Right….”

            “You’re too young to understand this right now so I thought I would put it on film for you.” As Howard kept talking, several close-ups of the old Expo model.

            “This is the key to the future.”

            “Hey!” Darcy jumped to her feet, “Where is that?”

            “Why-”

            “I need it! Look, _listen._ It’s a clue. Whatever your dad found, I think he hid it in that model.”

            Tony and Pepper glanced at each other, and Pepper said, “I’ll go get it, you get home and fire up JARVIS, I think she’s right.”

            All three jumped up, and Darcy grabbed Tony’s arm, leading him out of the office and down the hall as she typed a number into her cell phone, “Hi, Nicky, listen do you have any scientists I could borrow for the Stark problem….You’re sure?...Uh huh….Great, see you tonight, love you!”

            She pocketed the phone and turned to Tony, “SHIELD’s sending someone to help you with whatever this turns out to be.” Tony opened his mouth to complain, but she cut him off before he could say anything, “Don’t give me that, we’re talking about synthesizing a new element, even you aren’t infallible.”

            “She’s right!” Pepper called. Tony frowned.

            Darcy gave Tony a tight grin, “Have you ever heard of the Hulk?”

*

            _This was a bad idea, this was a bad idea, you’re an idiot, this was a **bad** idea._

            Bruce fidgeted in the back of the “quinjet” Agent Romanoff had led him to, saying that they “had an assignment for him”.

            The Agent in question turned on the intercom, “This is your captain speaking we’ll be landing in ten minutes.”

            Bruce renewed his attempts not to hyperventilate, squeezing his eyes shut. At least he’d be out of the small, pressurized space soon.

            The quinjet skidded onto a runway, and he barely had time to blink in the over bright sunlight before he was hustled into the back of a black van with an eagle emblazoned on the side. “You know, for a supposedly secret agency, you sure to use your logo a lot,” he muttered.

            “The director doesn’t like losing things,” Romanoff said. Bruce wasn’t sure if she was joking or not. “We’re here.”

            “Great, you wanna tell me where ‘here’ is?” The locks clicked open without an answer. Bruce sighed, “Right.”

            Both passengers jumped out into the light. A tall, thin woman in a power suit clicked her way toward the car down the drive to a large, low house. “Doctor Banner?”

            “Um, yes, that’s me.” Bruce smiled awkwardly, taking a half-step toward her.

            “Come on,” she said, giving half a laugh, “We’re in here.”

            Bruce followed her into the building and through a maze of hallways, shadowed by a silent Romanoff.

            _Does she know who- what- I am?  
            _ “I’m Pepper Potts, by the way, call me Pepper, pardon my manners. I don’t suppose the men in black told you why you’re on loan to us?” Bruce shook his head, glancing back at their silent shadow. “We’re trying to synthesize a new element. I know, it’s nuts, but we have a lead. We’d go it alone, and Tony’d probably get it eventually, but we’re kind of short on time. If you can help, I really can’t thank you enough.”

            Bruce blinked slowly, swallowing this information, “Why, exactly do you need a new element? Are the ones we have not enough?”

            “For what we need, no. Tony- that’s Tony Stark- has a… prosthesis is what he calls it, in his chest. It’s a miniature reactor, keeps him from dying, but it runs on palladium, and it’s killing him. He’s looked at every other element currently in existence: the ones that might be able to power the reactor would kill him faster than the palladium, the rest won’t do the job.”

            “What? _Tony Stark_ needs my help?” was all Bruce could squeak out.

            Pepper smiled, “ _Tony Stark_ needs help more often than he’d like to admit. Plus, he says he’s seen your work. He thinks you’re brilliant.”

            Bruce blushed. “Um, thanks.”

            “We’re here.” Pepper tapped on a glass wall, through which a pair of brunettes were visible. The man was holding a screwdriver while the woman looked on interestedly.

            “Sir asks that the ‘red-headed stepchild’ remain outside, as the lab has a one nonessential SHIELD agent limit.” Bruce jumped as a vaguely British voice emanated from the ceiling.

            “Just JARVIS, Tony’s AI,” Pepper explained, swinging through the lab door.

            “Doctor Banner, I presume?” the man said, not looking up as he pulled out a welding torch.

            “Um, yes. You’re Mr. Stark, I’m guessing?”

            The welding torch clicked off, and Stark pulled off the mask. “Call me Tony, I’m a big fan of your work, I was _so_ disappointed when you disappeared, guess I know why now, huh? But anyway, you’re brilliant, it’s a thrill to work with you, and now that I know, I’m a big fan of the whole ‘enormous green rage monster’ thing.”

            “Then, um, call me Bruce?”

            This was apparently the right answer, as Tony turned and called, “Hey, J, pull up the diagram for Jolly Green.” The nearby desk lit up a silvery-blue hologram of an atom. “So my dad left me this model of the Expo, and I found this inside….”

*

            “Coulson, how long will it take you to get to New Mexico?”

            “Three hours, director, give or take. May I ask why?”

            “0-8-4. Just outside of a town called Puente Antiguo, Hill’s sending the coordinates. You’re with Barton.”

            “Not Romanoff?”

            “Already on assignment.” Director Fury slammed the phone down before Coulson could answer. “I swear, this week.”


	7. Fury's Big Week, part 5

            “Are you planning on letting my agent in anytime soon, because she gets bored, and when she gets bored… the property damage will be your fault.” Darcy huffed a sigh to blow her bangs out of her face and prodded Stark in the side. When that failed to elicit a response, she sighed harder and waltzed over to the lab door. “Come in, Agent. I’m going on a coffee run.”

            “Bribery or threats?” Agent Romanoff muttered.

Darcy grinned, “Bribery. For now.”

*

            “Hey, Swann!” Tony called, trying to balance a long metal tube. “You, you, Elizabeth Swann, I need you to hand the thing, the one over there, the- the Pepper’s art thing!”

            “What? Stark, I have no idea what you’re trying to say.”

            “Here.” Romanoff handed the piece of modern art to Tony. He slid it under the tube, the whirled back around.

            “How did you get into my lab? How long have you been here? I thought I told you to stay out!” Romanoff smirked at him.

            “I came in when Darcy went for coffee, to meet the one adult requirement here, and she came back in because you said the one SHIELD agent maximum could be waived for coffee.” She arched an eyebrow at him.

            “This was five hours ago,” Darcy added in her most helpful voice.

            “What?” Bruce pushed up his welding mask and clicked off his torch. “We need to sleep.” At Tony’s rebellious expression, he added, “I thought you were dying? _You **need**_ sleep.”

            “He has some guest rooms down the hall. JARVIS will set an alarm, I’m sure.” Romanoff put a hand against Tony’s back and started steering him down the hall, Bruce following obediently.

*

            “Holy crappola, they’ve set up a city. You sure this is the place?” Jane skidded the SUV to a halt, making Erik wince and grip door handle tighter.

            “Jane, we’re not in a spy movie, there’s no need to drive like it.”

            “This is the place, Lady Jane,” Thor said, “I will return when I have liberated my hammer from the clutches of these fiends.” He jumped out of the car and loped over the edge of the crater.

            “So, we’re waiting here for the crazy guy. Great.” Erik pulled open the small he’d brought. “Hot chocolate?”

            “Sure.” Jane accepted a thermos and leaned back. The two sat sipping their beverages in companionable silence and staring at the sky.

            “Aw, how sweet!” Both scientists jumped at the voice and the shattering glass that accompanied it. Then they froze at the sight of the arrow pointed at them.

            “Agent Barton, with SHIELD. I’m afraid I’m going to have to bring the two of you in in connection with the trespasser we just apprehended. I need both of you to step out of the car slowly, with your hands up.”

The scientists stepped out, Erik glaring at Jane and mouthing “Your fault”. Black-clothed agents handcuffed the two and started leading them down into the crater.


	8. Fury's Big Week, part 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long break, school's been crazy. We should hopefully be getting out of the Fury's big week stuff within a chapter or two and into less canon-faithful territory.

            When Tony woke up, he was back in the lab before any of the three women realized it. When the sounds of the first explosion rattled down the halls, both     SHIELD agents darted cautiously down the corridor to find Tony being sprayed by an ecstatic DUM-E. Pepper just sighed and poured herself another cup of coffee.

            “Hey, you, Lizzie Swann, pass me the blue glowing thing over there.”

            Darcy rolled her eyes and threw the object in question at his face. “I have a name. It’s on my birth certificate and everything. I’d really appreciate it if you’d use it.”

            Tony caught the newly-formed element just as Pepper walked in, followed by a groggy Bruce. “This is great, you guys are just in time. Pepper, what should I call my new element. I’m thinking Pepperonyum, for you and me. We can be like Brangelina!” He started stripping off his shirt.

            “No Tony.”

            “To which, Pepperonyum or Brangelina?” He unscrewed the casing and took out the old core, deftly slotting in the new one into place.

            “No to _both_ , Tony.” Pepper couldn’t help but smile despite rolling her eyes along with the other four people in the room at Tony’s antics.

            Everyone admired the shiny new light emanating from Tony’s chest for a moment before Darcy cut in, “So, now that that’s fixed, I’ll just take Romanoff and Banner and leave.”

            “What? No! I mean sure, take the Ginger Ninja, but you can’t have Bruce. He’s mine!” Tony- still shirtless- wrapped his arms around the scientist, who looked noticeable uncomfortable.

            The two SHIELD agents looked at each other for a moment, clearly having a silent conversation, then back at Pepper, who was now trying to pry Tony off of Bruce. Clearly seeing that is was a losing battle, both women turned and silently walked out of the building.

*

            Jane and Selvig has been uncerimoniously dumped in a two hard plastic chairs in a bland white room by the archer. Jane couldn’t help but let her eyes drift shut as Selvig entered his sixth minute of ranting about how it was her fault that they were there in the first place, and how her father taught her better than to go taking in random hobos, when an odd golden light shone in the corner of the room. Surprised, Erik trailed off as the light resolved itself into a tall, thin man with slicked back black hair.

            “So,” he said into the silence, “You two are the mortals who have my brother so entranced.” He paced around the two, shiny shoes clicking against the floor. “This should be quite fun.”


	9. Scattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Abnormally long chapter, hopefully to be followed by another tomorrow (Yay school breaks!)

            Darcy dropped into the chair behind the Director’s desk, propping her feet up next to a pile of paperwork and shut her eyes.

            “Agent Fury?”

            She groaned, “Nicky doesn’t mind if I sit in his chair, AC, you can chill.”

            “I’m here about the New Mexico 0-8-4.”

            “Well if you’re here, I’m going to assume that either the situation is well in hand and you’re here for debriefing, or it’s all gone so hilariously pear-shaped Cinderella’s fairy godmother couldn’t fix it.” Darcy peeled one eye open and gave Coulson a sideways look. To her surprise, the usually unflappable agent looked sheepish. “Please tell me you didn’t break New Mexico. Or allow aliens, gifteds, or, I don’t know, mole people to do the same.”

            “New Mexico is fine. In this case, the issue is extraterrestrials. We have a meeting with the mole people next Wednesday.”

            Darcy took pride in catching herself before she twitched in surprise. “What did the big bad Martians do, Coulson? It can’t possibly be worse than what I had to deal with today. Tony Stark stole the Hulk from us.”

            “I’d prefer to discuss the details with your husband, Agent Fury, but trust me when I tell you that Stark has nothing on my day.”

            “Whatever you can say in front of me, you can say in front of my wife, Coulson. What did Barton screw up this time?” Both agents jumped at the Director’s sudden appearance in the office. Fury paused, staring at his reclining wife, before deciding to take the high road and perch on the edge of his desk. Coulson struggled not to crack a smile.

            “So, what happened, AC?”

            Coulson focused on the Director, “You got my earlier reports?”

            “Yes, and things _seemed_ to me going well. What. Happened?”

            Darcy sat up, her head pinging back and forth between the two men like she was watching a tennis match.

            “The two civilians I mentioned, Dr. Foster and Dr. Selvig, have vanished without a trace.”

            As the Director pursed his lips, his wife gasped, “Whoa, whoa, whoa, _Jane_ Foster? Where are your extraterrestrials, I want a talk with them.”

            “He’s on the helicarrier. Given the circumstances, I thought it best.”

            Fury stood up and narrowed his eye. “Coulson. What, exactly did you bring on my helicarrier?”

*

            Bruce’s initial reluctance to stay with SI had been railroaded by Tony’s insistence on his own ability to build a Hulk-proof room in any building Bruce chose to work in and promises of top-of-the-line tech and the ability to pursue whatever research he wanted, “As long as you let me come play, of course,” and the scientist was now sleeping in a guest room, finally giving Pepper and Tony a moment alone.

            “I can’t _believe_ you didn’t tell me you were _dying_!” Pepper hissed. Tony winced and started babbling out an apology. Pepper rolled her eyes and started dragging him by his hand down the hall, “I’m sure you can find some way to make it up to me.”

*

            Jane woke up in a dark room with her hands tied behind her back around a chair and her ankles tied to the legs. She tried to open her eyes before realizing that the reason that it was dark was a heavy black canvas bag was tied over her head. She tried to groan at the headache pounding behind her temples, only to discover an unwelcome wad of cloth wedged in her mouth. She let her head loll back, trying hard not to hyperventilate.

            “I know you’re awake.” The smooth, accented voice made her jump, yanking hard at the rope tied tightly around her wrists. She made indeterminate mumming sounds behind the gag, not really sure what she was trying to say, forgetting herself and trying to kick out in the direction of the voice, making her ankles sting through her jeans.

            “I’ll remove the bag and the gag if you promise to behave.” Slowly, Jane nodded. Narrow fingers untied the twine around her neck and pulled the bag off, yanking the gag out of her mouth. Jane hacked and coughed, trying to get a breath in. the air tasted thin and tinny.

            “Who the heck are you? Where’s Erik?” She glared at the raven-haired man in old-fashioned green and leather armor.

            The man crossed his arms and clicked his tongue, “I’m asking the questions today. I am Loki, of Asgard, brother of Thor. And you are the woman who has taken my brother in during his exile on Midgard. Jane Foster.”

            “You’re nuts! What is this, the Men in Black’s way of interrogating me? Loki and Thor are myths!”

            Loki smacked her, hard across the face. “You will not insult me, and you will not speak unless you are spoken to. If you want convincing, I suggest you turn around.” He spun the chair one-handed, rocking it hard so that it slammed down. When Jane’s vision had adjusted from the violent motion, her eyes focused on a wide window.

            “Those are just… wait, those aren’t our stars!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki's turning out to be more evil in this fic than I usually write and headcanon him, funnily enough.


	10. Helicarrier

            Thor sat on a narrow cot, the only furniture in the metal-walled room in the belly of the helicarrier. A cold knot of guilt sat hard in his stomach, curling in his gut and weaving through his ribs. It was his fault, somehow, that the two scientist had vanished, he was sure. If he hadn’t asked them to help him in a futile quest to regain his power, they never would have been in the SHIELD facility.

            His introspection was interrupted by the door sliding open and three SHIELD agents coming in. Only one was familiar, the smartly dressed from before. He was accompanied by a tall man wearing a leather coat and an eye patch and a curvy brunette woman.

            “Hey there!” the brunette waved, by the friendly gesture was not matched in her expression, “I’m Agent Darcy Fury, this is Director Fury, he’s in charge of this operation, and I don’t think you and Coulson were properly introduced before?”

            Thor stood and nodded at the trio.

            The bald man pursed his lips, “Look, we’re going to cut to the chase; you’re going to tell us where you’re from, who you are, and why I shouldn’t punt you off the edge of the carrier into the ocean. Then, if you’re adequately convincing, you’re going to talk to us about doctors Foster and Selvig. Got it?”

            Thor looked directly into the director’s eyes, “I will do whatever I can to aid you in recovering the Lady Jane and her companion. I am Thor, of Asgard.”

            Before he could continue, the brunette snorted, “You’re asking us to believe that you’re an ancient Norse deity?”

            “The last time I was on Midgard was a little under two millennia ago.” The whole story spilled out to the first receptive audience he’d had since arriving on Midgard.  When it was over, Director Fury let out a low whistle.

            “We have some tapes of the doctors right before they disappeared. We’d like you to look at them.” The three agents left the room, obviously expecting him to follow, with the curvy brunette leading. Her gait was stiff and her fists were clenched at her sides. This meant something to her, Thor thought.

*

            A few corridors away from the couple, the agent, and the alien, another blonde man was waking up to an unfamiliar room. He jerked up, distantly noting that the clothes he was wearing were not the clothes he had fallen asleep in.

            But he hadn’t fallen asleep, had he? He had gone unconscious as he tried to find his shield, grasping it only moments before the effects of the cold and the water and the crash overtook him.

            He sat up, staring around the strange surroundings, cataloguing bare metal walls and no windows. A cell.

            He was biting down panic when a door slid open and a pretty blond stepped in.

            “Good morning, Captain. Come with me and we’re going to debrief you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve is not forgotten! I honestly can't believe it took me this long to get him in there, he's almost my favorite.


	11. Family

            Darcy stepped back from the monitor as Coulson brought up a video feed and positioned   
Thor so he had an unobstructed view. The feed showed a small, bland room, exactly like a million others in a thousand other SHIELD facilities. In the middle of the room, Jane and Doctor Selvig sat, Jane being berated by the older scientist because he considered the situation her fault.

            After several minutes of arguing and ranting, both scientists froze and turned to look at something not visible to the camera, except for a faint flicker…

            “Wait,” Darcy put a hand on Coulson’s shoulder, “Go back a few frames.”

            The older agent did so, revealing the fuzzy outline of a well-dressed man. Thor sucked in a breath, “That’s my brother.”

*

            Steve leaned back in his seat, feeling sick to his stomach. He was resistant to the idea that he had been under for so long, but what else could explain the view out the helicarrier window the blond agent- she had asked to be called Agent 13- had shown him, or the technology she had used to go over the incident that had led to his presence here. HYDRA had been advanced, but not that advanced.

            He was torn between wanting to know what had happened to Peggy, Howard, and the Commandos, if they had any living descendants so he could pay his respects, and being afraid that Agent 13 would tell him that they had been killed in action or worse.

            “I know this is a big shock, Captain, but we want to help you. HR is prepping a Stark Tablet for you with a beginner course on everything you’ve missed, and they’re looking for somewhere for you to stay. We’d be pleased to have you on our payroll.”

            The name “Stark Tablet” had him convinced that he had to ask after his old friends, but what came out of his mouth instead was, “How do I know I can trust you?”  
            Agent 13 smiled sheepishly, “I have something to show you that might help. Come on.”

            She led him down a maze of corridors, past gaggles of agents who didn’t hide their stares as he passed and began whispering as soon as he broke eye contact. When she finally stopped, it was in front of a wide window looking down on the ocean and providing illumination for a wall with hundreds of names written on it in small, neat print. Above it stood tall plastic letters reading “Wall of Valor” and three framed photographs.

            The pictures make his breath choke in his throat. Three serious faces stared back at him. To the left, Colonel Phillips’ stern stare gazed back at him, while Howard’s somewhat startled gape stood on the right. Between them was Peggy, looking like she was ready to take on the world.

            “They founded SHIELD in the early fifties,” Sharon was explaining, “Aunt Peggy must have told me the story a million times.”

            Steve did a double take, “ _Aunt Peggy?”_

Agent 13 snorted, “I didn’t tell you my real name, did I?” She grinned like a kid who’d just fished a shiny new quarter out from under their pillow, a gift from the tooth fairy. “Sharon Carter. Peggy was my aunt. She told me all about you.”

            Steve gulped, not sure what to say, as Agent 13 wandered closer to the Wall of Valor. Luckily, he was saved by her explaining, “This has the name of every SHIELD agent to die in action. She tapped a spot in the upper left corner, “Come look.”

            Steve stepped closer, so he could read the first few names on the plaque, and his stomach bottomed out.

_J. B. Barnes- 1944_

_S. G. Rogers- 1945_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loki, Jane, and Selvig are not forgotten, I promise. They will show up again soon.


	12. Explosion

            Agent 13 had rushed off with the excuse that there was a situation in the cafeteria that required her immediate attention, probably sensing that he had needed a moment alone at the Wall of Valor. He had been staring blankly at the wall for several minutes when he was almost trampled by a man and a woman absorbed in conversation.

            “Oh, sorry!” the woman said, straightening her lab coat and racing off. Her companion paused for a moment, distracted by the small device he held in one hand, jabbing at the buttons with the other and muttering to himself.

            The woman must have realized she had left her friend behind, because she looped back, grabbing the man by the elbow and pulling, “Come on, Fitz!”

            The man- Fitz- gave the device one final jab and began to follow her when a circle of terribly familiar blue energy expanded outward from the device, hitting Steve and the others before any could react.

*

            Darcy was sitting in one of the wheelie chairs in the labs, bored as Thor discussed the energy readings pulled from the New Mexico site and Nick surveyed them, when her comm unit crackled.

            “We have a situation in the east underwing. Two science personnel and Captain Rogers are injured.”

            Nick cursed, “I forgot about him! I do not have time for this today!”

            Delighted at the chance to get out of this lab and accomplish something, Darcy leaped up, “I’m on it, Nicky!”

            She sprinted down the hall and spat into the comm, “This is Agent Lewis, en route to the situation. Do we have the med bay prepped for treating super soldiers?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will probably be more regular for a while, since I have a class that requires little attention and gives me computer access. I'll probably update twice next week.


	13. Readings

            Nick strode into the med bay, glaring down anyone who got in his way. Darcy rolled her eyes. “Stop scaring the personnel, Nick, or there won’t be anyone to take care of you next time you’re the one sitting in here.”

            Nick huffed, but toned down the glare, “What’s the situation?”  
            Darcy smirked, “Well, Kim Possible, both scientists are fine, Rogers probably won’t feel any permanent effects from having two big shocks so close together, and as soon as all three wake up, we might have a lead on Dr. Foster.”

            Nick arched an eyebrow, “How so?”

            “The device that caused the explosion gave off energy signatures very similar to the ones we’ve found from Thor’s arrival on earth _and_ the disappearance of Drs. Foster and Selvig.”

            Nick pursed his lips and stared at the inoffensive looking gadget lying on a table, “What were they working with?”

“Remember that cube Howard Stark fished out of the ocean looking for Rogers?”

*

            Jane came to slowly, unsure of where she was. Unfortunately, the rope around her wrists and ankles provided a rapid reminder.

            “What is my brother planning?” The smooth voice behind her made her skin crawl, despite its neutral tone.

            “I don’t know! I don’t think he’s planning anything! He just wanted to get his hammer and our equipment back from the Men in Black!” She tried not to bite her tongue, bracing for a blow.

            “That’s impossible, he must be planning something. Stop lying to me!”

            Jane sighed internally as they began another round of questions.

*

            Tony groaned as a shrill ring permeated his room. Nest to him, Pepper rolled over and covered her head with a pillow. “JARVIS, what did I say about phones?”

  
            “My apologies, sir. This seemed the best way to wake you, as this call appears to be of some importance.”

            Tony sighed, “Hello?”

            “Hey, Stark! It’s Darcy! Agent Lewis, I mean.” The woman on the other end of the line was clearly trying to sound professional.

            “JARVIS, you traitor, you know how I feel about SHIELD! What do you want, Lizzie?” Tony cursed and rolled over, ready to have JARVIS hang up and go back to bed.

            “We have cool, potentially alien tech for you to play with, and all you have to do for access is help us find a couple of missing scientists.”

            Tony bit his lip, contemplating the offer, “How cool?”

            “We think it might be able to power interstellar travel if we can puzzle it out. Plus, the readings it gives off are eerily similar to what _we_ helped you make for your arc reactor. You in?”

            Tony groaned, starting to jiggle Pepper awake, “Fine. But you owe me a consulting fee. I am not dealing with you people for free.”

            “Great, bring Dr. Banner! Barton! You can go in!”

            “Wait, who did you send to my house?” Tony yelled at the ceiling, even though Agent Lewis had plainly hung up. He was distracted from his glaring by a faint tapping on the window.

            A man in combat gear was perched there, a bow and quiver of arrows slung over his shoulder.

            “How the heck-?”


	14. Some Assembly Required

            Tony and Bruce fidgeted in the back of a quinjet, trying to discern their destination from the miles of ocean skimming below them. After several attempts at asking how, exactly, their escort had gotten onto his property, even Tony had given up on getting anything but, “I’m Agent Barton, and I’m here to escort you to the helicarrier,” out of the agent who was now piloting their ride.

            Neither man had dared ask why the agent was armed with a bow and quiver of arrows instead of the standard sidearm they were used to seeing on SHIELD agents.

            The radio in the open cockpit of the plane crackled, “Agent Barton, are you en route?”

            “Yes, sir.” Barton nodded despite the lack of visual connection, like the bob of his head was as much a habit as ending his sentences with sir or ma’am.

            “Good, any irregularities?”

            “No, sir.”  
            The radio fuzzed out, and Tony’s fingers itched to open it up and see if he could improve the sound quality. Agent Barton fiddled with several levers and buttons before spinning around in his chair- who had though spinning chairs were a good feature for a plane to have?  
            “So, why are you two gentlemen under SHIELD’s microscope today? I mean, I know about the alter egos, but last I checked we didn’t have any ongoing situations that might require Iron Man or the Hulk.”

            Bruce shifted uncomfortably at the mention of the Other Guy, taking his glasses out of his pocket so he could polish them.

            “Well… Agent Barton is a lame name, is there something cooler we can call you, a nickname or something?” Tony tried to subtly push his feet against the floor, testing to see if his chair spun, too. It didn’t.

            “Hawkeye.”

            “…I can work with that. Anyway, we’re here for… a science thing. I didn’t exactly get a lot of details before you, y’know, swung in through my window like Tarzan.”    

            Bruce rolled his eyes as Agent Barton’s eyes lit up with recognition, “Oh, the Captain America thing?”

            Bruce almost dropped his glasses and Tony froze, stiller than he had been in Bruce’s entire acquaintance with him as they spoke in unison, “ _What?_ ”

*

            Steve woke slowly, tiny increments of consciousness being examined and weighted. Was he really in the future? Maybe that was a dream and he was still in the sinking remnants of the _Valkyrie_. Or was that a dream as well? Maybe he’d dreamed everything, and he’d wake up ready to go on the mission to apprehend Zola, or back in New York as his skinny, asthmatic self.

            “I know you’re awake, Captain.”

            He groaned, creaking his eyes open to see Agent 13 standing slightly behind the man who had spoken, a middle-aged, unassuming agent in a suit.

            “You know,” Agent 13- or was he supposed to call her Sharon?- said, “This whole situation somehow manages to be incredibly accurate to how Aunt Peggy always described you. How did you find trouble without even moving?”

            “What can I say?” he let out a chuckle, though it sounded more like a cough after being woken from traumatic unconsciousness twice in a day, “Trouble finds me.”

            “Clearly. I’m Agent Coulson. I’m here to debrief you, Captain Rogers. Could you please describe the events leading up to the explosion?” the man pulled a clipboard from absolutely nowhere at all and grabbed a pen from his pocket. A slight blush colored his cheeks as Steve started describing the arrival of the two scientists.

            Ah. It was a Captain America pen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of course Clint can't keep his mouth shut, and Coulson does all his debriefings with a Cap pen. It's custom made. The Fury's gave it to him for his last birthday.


	15. Chaos

            Nick had learned not to react when his wife chose to fall to the floor moaning. At least half the time, it wasn’t anything that couldn’t be fixed with some chocolate or a redistribution of funds. He was the director of a powerful spy agency. He could handle both of those things.

            Now, however, she was lying on the floor like a marionette with its strings cut and groaning. Her arms flopped lazily over her eyes, and Darcy curled into a ball, “I don’t want to deal with this!”  
            “Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad.” Not in comparison to the angry alien, the explosion, and the super soldier from another era who _still_ had not been properly debriefed.

            “Barton told Stark and Banner about Rogers.”  
            Only the knowledge of how expensive dry cleaning his jacket and how long regaining respect would take kept nick from joining her on the floor.

*

            Clint chewed on his lips and resisted the urge to draw his bow and start aiming it around every corner. Coulson had just given him a lecture about weapons in the halls, and more trouble was the last thing he needed.

            Best case scenario: he found Stark and Banner before they ran into Coulson and convinced them to keep their mouths shut about Rogers. Did he have anything he could use to bribe or blackmail a billionaire?

            Worst case scenario: Stark had found Rogers and somehow caused an explosion resulting in both of them dying gruesomely, and Fury knew it was all Clint’s fault.

            Most likely scenario: Coulson knew Stark knew about Rogers, and whose fault this was, and Stark and Banner were wandering the mess of corridors that was the helicarrier.

            He was doomed.

*

“Hi, Agent!” Coulson tried not to stiffen or show his annoyance.

            “Mr. Stark. You are not authorized to be in this area.” He turned slowly, trying to keep his face neutral and his hand away from his Taser. Stark was flanked by a nervous, curly haired man recognizable from debriefings on Hulk incidents as Dr. Bruce Banner.

            Dr. Banner was persistently trying to pull Stark away, but Stark just blustered on, “Well, I heard you found something _really neat_!” He stood on tiptoe and leaned over to see around Coulson. “Hello, Captain. You knew my dad.”

            Any response Captain Rogers might have made was interrupted by Darcy Fury barreling in and tasing Stark in the back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Darcy has had it with these idiots.


	16. Confusion

Darcy nodded at Dr. Banner, pointedly ignoring the unconscious engineer on the floor in front of her. “Nice to see you again, Doc. You want to come with me, away from the restricted area. Mr. Stark will be fine, once he wakes up.”

Banner spent a second trying to get a handle on his breathing again before ducking hi head and following her out of the room.

Darcy nodded to the Captain as she exited, “Pleasure to meet you, Cap.”

He nodded and muttered something that she couldn’t quite hear, but definitely ended in “ma’am”.

The Captain was definitely going to be her favorite if Nick ever got the Avengers Initiative off the ground.

*

Jane woke up somewhere she didn’t know, wearing unfamiliar clothes. Concentrating, she couldn’t remember how she ended up here either.

“Here” was a wide, grayish plain, edged by a handful of hills and domed by a bile yellow sky. It was barren except for a few random outcroppings and scrubby plants.

Turning to take in her surroundings, Jane nearly collided with a middle-aged man who appeared to be taking in their surroundings as well.

“Sorry!” she grabbed him by the shoulder, trying to steady herself. He squinted at her silently. Trying to break the silence, she added, “I’m Jane.”

“Erik. Any idea where we are?”

“No.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this fic is now on a semi-indefinite sort-of hiatus, as another fic ate my brain and this has been relegated to the fic to work on when the other is giving me fits. Basicallly, there won't be regular updates for a while, but I will still update on occasion, and updates will be pretty short.  
> Also, apologies for the weird formatting, but I don't have time to try and fix it. I might be able to make it look less weird when I get home.


End file.
